The Ultimate Harry Potter Mary-Sue BTVS Crossover
by Web Witch
Summary: Voldemort's rising, Harry and the gang meet Buffy and Spike's daughter and her friends, Harry's Bi-sexual, Spire likes Sirius and Draco, Destiny's drugging Draco, Peeves is afraid of the new kids, love triangles, Hogwarts tennis, and exorcisms, and more!
1. Chapter 1

  
The halls of Hogworts were abuzz with rumors upon the news they'd been given earlier that evening at dinner.   
  
Harry had been sitting at the Griffindor table next to Ron, chatting with Hermione about Professor Trelawney's latest "pediction" about Harry's death.   
  
"I swear," Hermione said shaking her head, "that woman shouldn't be allowed to act that way towards students."  
  
Ron cracked a grin.  
  
"Yeah, 'cause she'll eventually snap and go on a killing spree. Maybe she'll get Lavendar and Parvati to help and they can take out the Slythrin's first," he said nodding toward the table of Slythrin's who'd been rather giddy since the news of Voldemort's return to power.  
  
Ron recieved a glare from Hermione but didn't notice because Dumbledore chose that moment to call the student's attention.  
  
"If I could have all of your attention for a moment, I have a very important announcement to make."  
  
The whole hall stopped their chatter and turned toward the headmaster curiously.  
  
"Thank-you. Tomorrow, we will be recieving three new students all the way from Sunnydale, California. Now, as none of these students are from 'pureblood' wizarding families, they may need some time to get used to the idea of magic. I expect that all of you will be respectful and do your best to make them feel at home here at Hogwarts, as I know many of you found the concept of magic to be a shock at first."  
  
Harry felt that Dumbledore was looking directly at him as he said this.  
  
"Our new arrivals have already been sorted into their houses by Rupert Giles, the current Watcher in the Council for Extermination of Dangerous Magical Beasts of the Ministry of Magic. Their housing is as follows: Spire Summers, year 6, Griffindor; Faye Rosenburg, year 5, Ravenclaw; and Destiny Jacobs, year 6, Slythrin."  
  
Harry looked over at the Slythrin table who looked noticibly unhappy that they would be recieving a muggle into their house.  
  
"I will introduce you to your new house members tomorrow at breakfast."  



	2. Chapter 2

  
Harry sat in the Griffindor common room with Hermione early the next morning, waiting for Ron to finish getting dressed. Hermione had woken them both up early wanting to be the first one's to meet the new students. Once he apeared, the three headed down to the breakfast hall.  
  
When they arrived they noted that they were indeed the first to arrive. All three of the new students were seated at the Griffindor table with Professor Dumbledore, Sirius, (who had been cleared, and appointed as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, after Peter Pettigrew had been sighted and taken in for questioning before the Ministry, and thrown into Azkaban), and a man Harry didn't recognize.  
  
He was resonably short for a full grown man, but rather lean. He apeared to be in his mid-twenties, but his eyes held a coldness Harry had only ever seen in Sirius, who'd spent twelve years in Azkaban.  
  
Sirius noticed the group at the door and stood up smiling.   
  
"Harry, come here. I want to introduce you to a friend of mine."  
  
Harry, Hermione, and Ron aproached the table and sat next to Sirius.  
  
"Harry, this is William Suffolk, who's been a close friend of your father, Remus, and mine for decades. William, this is James' son, Harry."   
  
"Ah, so you're the little bugger he's been bragging about," the man said smiling and shaking his hand.  
  
Hermione kicked Harry under the table and gave him a pointed look.  
  
"Ow! Oh, yeah. These are my friends Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasly."  
  
Hermione smiled brightly and shook hands with William.  
  
"Pleased to meet you."  
  
Someone at the end of the table cleared their throat loudly. The group turned and saw that the dark-haired girl at the end of the table was glaring daggers at William and holding up a small bag.   
  
"Where are they?" She asked pointedly.  
  
William rolled his eyes.  
  
"Pet, yeh can't smoke here and you know it. 'Sides maybe it'll break your habit."  
  
He shook his head.   
  
"Harry, this is Destiny," he said nodding to an asian girl who looked as if she and Cho could have been twins, "the red-head's Faye, and the chit with the attitude problem's Spire. Watch out for her, she bites."  
  
The girl rolled her eyes, and looked toward the group.  
  
"You guys are Griffindors right?"   
  
Hermione nodded.   
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"That teacher . . . yeh know the one who looks like he didn't listen when he was told if he kept making ugly faces, it'd get stuck that way . . . what's his name . . . Snake?"  
  
Ron slapped his hand over his mouth to hold back a laugh, and Sirius grinned knowingly at Harry and Hermione.  
  
The red-haired girl shook her head disaprovingly.  
  
"Professor Snape."  
  
Destiny rolled her eyes.  
  
"Yeah him," Spire continued," anyway he said that a group of students who think they're above the rules would probably show up to brown-nose us, and that I'd fit right in with them."  
  
Ron raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What'd you do to get that remark?"  
  
The asian girl snickered.   
  
"She gave him finger."  
  
Faye gave her friend a disaproving look.   
  
"Unbelievable."  
  
"He took my fag!"  
  
"You shouldn't have been smoking."  
  
"Yeah but he didn't have to snatch it out of my mouth, the wanker!"  
  
"Spire!"  
  
William, Destiny, Sirius, and Ron were now convulsing with laughter, Dumbledore's eye's where raised heavenward, and Harry and Hermione stared in disbelief as the argument continued.  
  
"Well he is a wanker!"  
  
"Don't use that word at school!"  
  
"Wanker, wanker, wanker, WANKER!"  
  
The clicking of heels across the hall caught Harry's attention.  
  
"Spire, I mean it! I'll tell your mother!"  
  
"Tell her. Snape's a wanker, you telling her doesn't change it."  
  
Another voice made her jump.  
  
"William, I would have thought that you'd teach your daughter better language."  
  
William stood and spread his arms to embrace Professor McGonagall who'd joined them.  
  
"Minerva! You look . . . old."  
  
She gave him a brief hug and shook her head chuckling.  
  
"Well I see you're just as immature as ever you were. Potter, Granger, Weasly, why don't you give our new arrivals a tour? Oh, and as a warning, Peeves is in the Potions hallway armed to the teeth with water balloons."  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione groaned, and left the breakfast hall with Spire, Destiny, and Faye in tow. 


	3. Chapter 3

  
Harry led the way down the hallway that branched off into the potions hallway.  
  
"If we're really quiet and we keep going straight Peeves shouldn't bother us," Harry told the group when they reached the fork.  
  
Spire snickered and turned down the potions hallway. Destiny turned to Harry and the rest.  
  
"Peeves shouldn't be a problem, we ran into him earlier and we have an . . . understanding."  
  
Harry looked hesitant but Destiny grabbed his hand and pulled him along.  
  
"Live a little."  
  
The minute they turned the corner, Peeves apeared.   
  
"Well, well, what do we have . . . YOU!" He cried taking a step back and dropping his balloons.  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged looks as Peeves stared at Spire, Faye, and Destiny in horror. Spire and Faye kept walking, Destiny gave Harry a push ahead of her and followed down the hall.  
  
"You should clean that up before Filch shows up," she told Peeves over her shoulder.  
  
At the end of the corridor they reached Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.  
  
Ron and Harry exchanged looks.  
  
"What are we doing here?"  
  
"Chill out a second," Destiny told Harry who was looking kinda nervous.  
  
"I really don't wanna see Myrtle. She has this crush on me and . . . "  
  
Destiny grinned.  
  
"Don't worry, I've got it covered," she said winking at Harry, causing him to blush.  
  
When they went inside Myrtle popped up in front of Harry.  
  
"You really aren't one for visiting me are you? Is it because I haunt a bathroom?"  
  
Destiny grinned evily.  
  
"He's moved on to bigger fish, haven't you Harry?" She asked him putting a arm around his neck.  
  
"Liar," Myrtle stated.  
  
Destiny raised an eyebrow and Faye shook her head.  
  
"Myrtle, go flush yourself."  
  
At that Myrtle shreiked and disapeared into the toilet.  
  
Harry looked up and noticed Spire looking around. She stopped in front of the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets and spoke.  
  
"Open."  
  
To Harry it sounded like perfect english, but from the looks on Hermione and Ron's faces he knew it was Parseltounge. The door opened and Spire disapeared inside. Destiny followed dragging Harry Behind.  



	4. Chapter 4

  
No one said a word until they reached the Chamber of Secrets. Harry hadn't exactly gotten the chance to examine the room before, but realized now that it was well furnished and looked rather comfortable. In fact he wouldn't have minded inspecting the room except that Hermione started firing questions at the new commers.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
Faye looked at her sympathetically.  
  
"Don't worry. Spire gets it from her dad. He can speak just about any language you can imagine and he's been teaching her since she was little."  
  
"So what are we doing down here?"   
  
Spire pulled a cigarette out of a pack in the inside pocket of her duster.  
  
"Teachers don't know how to get into here, so they can't catch me smoking. We came here last night to explore, that's how we know the grounds."  
  
"So what about Peeves?"  
  
Destiny grinned.  
  
"We ran into him last night and he threatened to tell Filch we were here. So Faye threatened to exorcise him from the school."  
  
Hermione's eyes were wide.  
  
"You know how to do that."  
  
Faye nodded.  
  
"I can teach you."  
  
Hermione beamed.  
  
Spire turned to Harry, throwing away her cigarette.  
  
"So, Sirius is your godfather, right?"  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"Damn, is he ever cute. And people think daddy looks good."  
  
Destiny looked stricken.  
  
"Your dad DOES look good."  
  
Spire rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh well, we should probably head back."  
  
Faye nodded in agreement.  
  
"They'll be looking for us at breakfast." She turned to Hermione. "How about we meet down at the library at lunch and I can teach you that exorcisism spell?"  
  
Hermione grinned.  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
Spire sprayed her breath freshener into her mouth and put it into her pocket.  
  
"Then let's go." 


	5. Chapter 5

  
  
The group sat in potions later that afternoon after being introduced to their fellow Gryffindors, Slythrins, and Ravenclaws. Faye and Hermione had made plans to meet in the library during lunch. Destiny was having a blast in potions as she found it easy, and she could torment Harry about Moaning Myrtle.   
  
Destiny's sleeping potion had reached the proper consistency, and was now cooling, as she chatted with Spire about their class schedules.  
  
"So, what's your next class?" She asked Spire who was so busy glaring at Snape, she didn't notice that she was chopping more of the table than her yang-lang root.  
  
"Defense Against the Dark Arts. As if I actually NEED that class."  
  
Destiny smirked.  
  
"Oh, something tells me you'll enjoy it."  
  
"Yeah? What's that?"  
  
"Look who's teaching it."  
  
Spire took her eyes away from Snape long enough to register the name of the professor who'd be teaching her next class. Sirius Black.  
  
"WHAT?!" Spire nearly jumped out of her skin.  
  
"Is there a problem Summers?" Snape snarled at her sounding annoyed that she's disturbed his class.  
  
Destiny smiled sweetly at Snape, who for some reason had decided that he liked her, and did her best impression of Faye when she's sucking up to a teacher.  
  
"No Professor Snape. I was just telling Spire that her potion would turn out better if she added her belladonna berries before chopping her roots. She was just frustrated at herself for making such a mistake."  
  
Snape regarded her a minute, and then nodded and turned back to his notes. Destiny made her ugliest face and gave him the finger once she was sure he wasn't looking. Hermione shook her head, while Ron and Harry snickered.  
  
The rest of potions went rather quickly once Spire discovered that her next class was one she would likely pass with flying colors, AND it was being taught by Harry's godfather.  
  
Once potions had ended she made sure that she got a seat in the front row of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Griffindor also had this class with Slythrin, and so Destiny made sure she got a seat next to Spire, Harry, Hermione, and Ron.  
  
Finally after everyone had been seated in the classroom Sirius stood and spoke.  
  
"As I am sure that all of you have already met our new students, I won't pause for introduction, but instead go right into our brand new lesson. Today we are going to start our study on vampires. Now can any of you tell me exactly what a vampire is?"  
  
Hermione's hand shot into the air a tenth of a second before Spire's.  
  
"Hermione?"  
  
Hermione stood up straight in her chair as she answered.  
  
"A vampire is an evil, re-animated corpse, which feeds on the blood of mortals in order to survive. They have many supernatural powers which they use to disorient, cpture, and control their prey, they can fly, shapeshift, and hypnotize their victims."  
  
Destiny gave her a confused look and Spire shot daggers at her with her eyes. Sirius seemed to notice this reaction, and decided to see what they had to say.  
  
"Well, that's one take on it, and a very good answer. Does anyone else have a definition that may be a little different?"  
  
Spire raised her had, still glaring at Hermione who at this point had noticed, and was looking slightly worried. Sirius pointed to her and she spoke.  
  
"A vampire cannot fly. It cannot turn to mist. It cannot shapeshift at all. They cast no reflection in mirrors, however they do cast shadows. They can also be videotaped. A vampire does not need to breathe to live, but they do when talking, smoking, and when needed as a comfort. Some vampires had the ability to hypnotise, but not all do. Vampires cannot enter a home without being given an invitation by someone who lives there, but after they have been invited in they can return at anytime. Vampires also do not need to eat mortal food, however many have been known to do so. Determining whether or not a vampire is evil is another thing all together. There is an ancient gypsy curse which allows a vampire to regain its soul, thus giving it a conscience and remorde for things it has done in the past. Others choose to do good on their own whether for their sake, or others'."  
  
Spire sat back and stared ahead as Destiny shook her head smiling. Ron's mouth which had dropped down onto his desk, snapped shut as he exchanged looks with Harry.  
  
Sirius beamed at his new student and nodded at her.  
  
"Ten points to Gryffindor. Maybe I should have you teach this class Spire."  
  
She cracked a smile and gave him an intense look.   
  
"I think I'd much rather listen to what you have to say, and be as helpful with what I know as possible professor."  
  
Harry wasn't sure if he'd seen it correctly, but after noting the confused look on Ron's face as well, he was positive. Ron leaned in close to Harry once Sirius had turned around and asked them all to get out their books."  
  
"Did she actually call him 'professor'? No one calls him that! And am I seeing things, or did he just blush?"  
  
Harry glanced at his godfather, and then at Spire.  
  
"Well, if you're seeing things, them I'm seeing them too."  



	6. Chapter 6

  
By the end of the hour Spire and Hermione had waged an all out battle for the teacher's attention, however Harry severly questioned Spire's motives. It wouldn't have been so bad, if Sirius hadn't spent most of the class calling on Spire, when he usually tried to get everyone to share.   
  
When the bell for lunch finally ended, Harry closed up his books as fast as he could and grabbed Ron by the arm pulling him aside.  
  
"Don't you think that was a little . . . um . . . odd?"  
  
Ron nodded and stuck his head back up to the door.  
  
"Listen, she's still in there talking to him!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Shh . . ."  
  
The leaned into the door and listened.  
  
"You did very well in class today. I hope you'll be willing to help me out some time with some of our other subjects."  
  
"Well, I guess I consider myself sort of an expert on vampires seeing as I, well, you know my dad. And I'd be completely willing to help you professor."  
  
"Please, call me Sirius. The only ones who call me 'professor' are the other teachers, not including Hagrid, and I try to keep myself on a more personal level with my students."  
  
"Alright, Sirius. I'll be sure to keep that in mind if I ever need any extra help with one of our subjects. I guess I should get going, so I don't miss lunch."  
  
Hearing that, and not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, Harry and Ron ran full pace down towards the Dining Hall. When they were nearly there the heard professor McGonagall's heels clicking quickly down the hall so they ducked out of sight to avois questioning.  
  
"Unbelievable. You've only been here five hours, and already you're causing problems."  
  
"Oh, come on professor, it was just for fun! You can clean it up with a spell! It'll take two seconds!"  
  
"Never in my years at this school have I met such an . . ."  
  
Harry and Ron exchanged looks as she dragged Destiny down the hall.  
  
"What was that about?"  
  
When they reached the Dining Hall they found out.  
  
"Harry! Ron! You won't believe what happened!"  
  
It was Fred and George Weasley running up to them covered in food. Actually, most of the walls were covered in food as well.  
  
"What happened?" Ron asked looking at his brothers accusingly.  
  
Fred explained.  
  
"Y'know that new Slythrin girl? Well, she was talking to Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson got jealous so she and Milicent Bulstrood thought that they'd be funny and pick a fight with her. Malfoy had apparently caught on to why thry were teasing her and told them to knock it off. So the finally sat down but Pansy made some comment about all the 'mudblood trash' invading our school. Well right about then that new girl threw a pumpkin pastie at her and jumped her. So the whole school broke out in a food fight while the new girl wailed on Pansy. Finally McGonagall broke 'em up, and took off with the new girl while Milicent took Pansy down to the hospital wing."  
  
"Wow," Harry murmered sounding shocked, but looking impressed.  
  
George laughed.  
  
"Yeah, but you know what Snape did the whole time? He laughed, I mean I didn't even know he COULD, but he LAUGHED!"  
  
Harry and Ron exchanged extremely worried glances.  
  
"This does not bode well."  



	7. Chapter 7

  
The gossip about the fight didn't die down until the next day, but Harry and Ron were iching to tell Hermione about it. They got their chance on their way to Care of Magical Creatures.  
  
"Did she really?"  
  
"Yeah, you should have seen the Dining Hall, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself," Ron told her.  
  
Harry nodded.   
  
"Y'know, that's not the only thing that's bothering me though. The other girl, Spire, we over heard her talking to Sirius yesterday after class."  
  
Hermione shrugged.  
  
"So?"  
  
Harry and Ron relayed the rest of the conversation to her, but she didn't seem very concerned.  
  
"She probably just has a crush on him. You two didn't react this way when I liked Professor Lockhart."  
  
Ron groaned.  
  
"That's because EVERYONE liked Lockhart."  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"And he wasn't my Godfather."  
  
Hermione shook her head.   
  
"Don't worry about it. I think the three of them are nice. Especially Faye. She's very . . . experienced."  
  
Hermione blushed slightly and went off ahead of them toward Hargrid's hut. Ron turned to Harry in confusion.  
  
"You saw that right?"  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"Just checking."  
  
Just then a voice from behind them made them stop.  
  
"Hey Potter!"  
  
Harry turned to see Destiny and Spire running toward him laughing hysterically, followed by the Weasley twins.  
  
"Hi," Harry said blushing at being addressed by Destiny.  
  
"I don't think we'll be seeing much of Malfoy today," Fred said grinning.  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
Destiny pulled a bottle out of her cloak, and Spire grinned.  
  
"She sweet talked Snape into giving her a pass for the Restricted section of the library, and copied the recipe for that 'Draught of Living Death' potion and whipped up a batch."  
  
George laughed and finished.  
  
"She was looking for someone to test it on and found Malfoy harrassing Neville. So, she slipped some into a muggle drink - - "  
  
"Pepsi."  
  
Spire said rolling her eyes.  
  
" - - and asked him if her wanted to try it."  
  
Destiny grinned.  
  
"He's not gonna be happy when he wakes up."   
  
The group burst into laughter and continued on to Hagrid's hut. Fred laughed.  
  
"A girl after my own heart."  
  
George sighed loudly, put his hand to his heart dramatically and sighed.  
  
"I think I'm in love."  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Care of Magical Creatures proved to be very interesting that day as Faye had to take the class with the Griffindors and Slythrins, even though she was in Ravenclaw. She caught up with her group of friends at the door.  
  
"Hey guys, Herm," She said smiling sweetly at Hermione who blushed. Ron raised an eyebrow.   
  
Spire, who had apeared shortly before Faye, was in the process of flirting with the Weasly twins, much to Ron, and suprisingly Destiny's chagrin.  
  
"You have a tattoo?" Fred asked.  
  
"Yeah, wanna see?"  
  
Faye's ears perked up at that.  
  
"Oh, no you don't. We don't need to be hauled into the headmaster's office for indecent exposure on school grounds."  
  
George looked even more interested at that statement, and Spire huffed.  
  
"It's not like it's on my ass."  
  
Faye grabbed her and began dragging her into the hut.   
  
"Upper thigh, close enough."  
  
Once they were inside Faye started in suprise.  
  
"Remus? What are you doing here."  
  
Professor Lupin was in the middle of conversation with Hagrid. He turned to greet the red-haired girl.   
  
"Hello Faye. Your father mentioned you'd be here this year. I'm teaching Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid."  
  
"Cool."  
  
Harry briefly waved to Lupin before turning to Faye.  
  
"How do you know Professor Lupin?"  
  
Faye smiled.  
  
"He's my step-dad, er, sorta. He's with my dad."  
  
Harry looked at Lupin who had resumed talking with Hagrid.  
  
"So then you know he's a -"  
  
"Werewolf? Yeah, so's my dad, which is where I get it. And then both of my mom's are witches . . ." she noticed the look on everyone's face, "um, yeah I have three biological parents, it was a complicated process involving powerful magic and science."  
  
Harry looked mildly impressed and Hermione beamed for no aparent reason.  
  
Suddenly an irritated voice disrupted their conversation.  
  
"Someone is going to pay."  
  
Malfoy.  
  
Destiny looked confused.  
  
"Hey Draco . . ."  
  
"Some one put a sleeping potion into that drink you gave me. Professor Snape found me in the hallway. Don't worry I didn't tell him about that drink you gave me in case he thinks it was you."  
  
Destiny exchanged looks with the twins.  
  
"Oh, look," Draco said turning his gaze on Professor Lupin, "it's the rag-bag teacher."  
  
Faye shot him a murderous glare as he went and sat down in a nearby chair. Spire raised an eyebrow and gave Faye the look that always meant trouble before strolling up to Malfoy.  
  
"Yes? Is there something you wanted mudblood."  
  
Spire smiled coyly before slinging one leg on the opposite side of the chair so she was straddling him.  
  
"Listen up blondie. First thing, I'm not a mudblood, muggle, or any of those other rather derogatory names you have for none magical people, I know you think you're all up on the Dark Arts think 'cause your daddy's a death eater -"  
  
"How do you know -"  
  
"Shut up. I do not like being interupted. Anyway, as I was saying I know you think you're all advanced dark magic boy, but believe me, Faye, Destiny, or I could send you to Afghanistan like that," she snapped her fingers making Draco jump, " without the use of a wand. Now I know you're used to doing whatever the hell you please, but guess what? So am I, so if I see or hear you unnecessarily tormenting anyone at this school including Harry Potter, Ron Weasly, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and Remus - er Professor Lupin, than I will personally dress you in drag and strap you to the banister in the great hall for the whole school to see. Got it?"  
  
Draco nodded.  
  
"Good. Oh, and one more thing. You really are quite sexy. Too bad you're such a heartless git," she said, gave him a brief kiss, got off him, and turned to the shocked gazes of her friends.  
  
Destiny groaned.  
  
"Drama queen."  
  



End file.
